My New Normal

Dear Family & Friends,

I find it interesting that today is New Year's Eve, and it also marks my Mom's passing just three weeks ago.  I will admit I have been quite emotional which is completely normal; I just never thought that I would hurt this much.  Mom's passing was unexpected contrary to what some are and have been saying.  All I can say, to those who think they know more about Mom's passing than me and my family, is that you have sadly been misinformed.

A friend of mine posted this on FB the other day and I found it quite fitting so I thought I would share:

"Grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning." -Elder Lance B. Wickman

My Mom loved unconditionally and taught me so much about how to be a better daughter, sister, and person.  She always said to take the high road, to turn the other cheek, and to live by the Golden Rule.

Earlier this year along with a friend of mine, I went to group grief counseling to help me with the loss of my brother Zack.  What I learned is that I will never "get over" my brother's or mother's death.  I learned is that with each day I am finding my new normal.  Life without Zack and Mom to keep me company each day.  Finding my new normal where my grief doesn't overwhelm and I can be content.  As my Mom always said, "this too shall pass."

They say that after a major death you aren't suppose to make any major life decisions for the next 6 months to a year.  So here is to finding my new normal in 2014!

Happy New Year!

Much love,

Robyn

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I can't believe that it has been five months since your surgery.  What an adventure it has been!  I hope you know how much I have enjoyed spending these last few months with you.  I'll admit I have been spoiled being able to stay with you and drive you crazy.  Man what a pair we make.

This morning was rough; I'm not going to lie.  Remember how much I love you.  You are my hero, confidant, best friend, and mother.  Don't worry all is well.  You taught me how to carry on during hard times and how to endure.  I know who to turn to in good times and in bad.  I know that you will be with me when I get married, have children, need an attitude adjustment, or whatever the case may be.  I am so grateful that our family is eternal.  I look forward to the day when I can see you again.  I'm so proud to call you my mother.

Love Always,

Robs

Lessons to be Learned

Dear Friends,

I know that it has been awhile since I last updated you about Mom's transplant journey. The last 4-6 weeks she has been battling nausea/vomiting and the doctors have been trying to figure out the root cause. We enjoyed Thanksgiving with Dad and Becca. Cody and Cassie were able to Skype us so that was nice.

Unfortunately, life has taken a turn for Mom; she is back in ICU. This time around we aren't 100% sure what is happening with her body. We are waiting for test results to come back. I will tell you that the doctors and nurses are doing everything in their power to make her well. It is disheartening to see her being incubated again, but I know that everything will work out.

With that being said, I have been trying to figure out what I am suppose to learn from this life lesson Mom is trying to teach me. My worst thought is that she is preparing me for when I have children. I tell you what I have never been so tired in my life than I have been these last four months. I go to bed late and wake up early. Showering is a challenge. I never knew the energy required to bathe!(Trust me I still bathe and no I am not depressed.) I guess my gray hair has tripled so I won't be so disappointed when children make me have more. My patience level has gone from sub-zero to zero so it's moving in the right direction.

Who knows what I am suppose to learn, but it's amusing to come up with theories as I sit at the hospital with Mom each day. It is even more amusing because this reminds me of a conversation I had with Mom a month or two before her transplant. She called to inform me that she wanted children in the house. I very quickly explained that she needed to remember that she has 5 grandchildren not more than 30 mins away and I am sure that my wonderful brother and his wife would love to drop the kids off on any day of the week. That is when she informed me that she wanted a baby in the house, and I was the one who needed to correct that. I quipped that I would run out and go get myself knocked up, but I didn't know how that would solve her problem because I live in Utah. She was horrified at my suggestion (which I knew she would be and just wanted to give her a hard time) and said that's not what she meant. She wanted me to move home, get married, and start popping out grandchildren. I told her good luck with that and if she wanted a baby so badly that she and Dad needed to hop on that and give me a younger sibling. Her response was priceless! She said, but Robyn my baby making parts have expired!!! OMG I love this woman with every fiber of my being!!!

Funny story before I close......Monday morning around 6, Mom's nurse was trying to wake her up to give her that morning's medicine. For those of you who really know me and my family know that we aren't morning people. Outside of my Dad, the rest of us prefer to sleep in and wake up closer to 9am. Mom kept telling the nurse to get out of her room, and he was like I can't Ms. Statum because I have to make sure that you take your morning medicine. After about the third time of Mom telling him to get out, she finally told him that he needed to call security so they can have him removed from her room! He then looked at me and asked has her mental status changed. I responded nope that's my Mom! Mom is a fighter so one way or another we will make it through all of this with flying colors.

I ask that you keep the doctors and nurses in your prayers that they will be able to identify what is happening and the course of action to correct it! Our thoughts and prayers are with each of you as you face your daily trials.

Much love,

Robyn

I've lost count :)

Oiy Friends & Family,

I feel I should clarify last week's post. I'm at the hospital day in and day out.....I just feel as though I need to handle all that is going on cheerfully and without complaint. The last couple of weeks have been challenging so I have been at my wits end. So I apologize for my doomsday lament.

I want to thank all those who helped my Dad with the house yesterday. Also a belated thank you to whomever had our lawn taken care of months ago. I thought it was a certain person and when I asked my Dad if he had said gracias, Dad said that the person who we thought did it did n't. To whomever you are please accept our belated gratitude. 

Yesterday I was stuck at the car shop having a new alternator installed in the car so I wasn't able to get to the hospital till late. I was thrilled when Mom told me that Pat and Betty Faye came to visit! Mom loves her owl and the sweet card from the sisters in the ward. 

Mom went back to ICU a few days ago and I am happy to report that we are back in TSU (transplant step down unit)!! Mom is a champ, and is doing her darnedest to get better because she is so ready to go home as see all of you! 

As always thank you for your continued prayers, sweet cards, and support! Here is to a more positive outlook! 

Much love,

Robyn

Come What May and Love It

Dear Family & Friends,

I apologize for not providing regular updates as of late.  Life has been challenging to say the least.  As most of you know I am quite private and over protective.  When it comes to my mother I am extremely over protective so I don't fill you in on hard issues we face together and as a family.

The last few weeks have been quite overwhelming...there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.  Just when you think that a corner has been turned another corner keeps popping up, and when life can't get any worse it does.  Tonight was my breaking point.  As I was holding Mom's with tears in my eyes, Elder Wirthlin's conference address from a few years ago came to mind Come What May.  Then, I started feeling bad that I wasn't gladly bearing the trials placed before me I stumbled upon President Monson's address from last month's General Conference.  My waterworks started flowing again.  I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of our situations in life and of our needs.  I'm so very grateful that my Mom taught me to whom I should turn to in all things.  As hard as life is at the moment, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Mom and I pray for you each night, and appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts, cards, love, and support.  We are blessed beyond measure.

Much love,

Robyn

13 Weeks 5 Days 20 hours 3 Mins

Dear Friends & Family,

I'm going to be honest; I am a ball of nerves.  I never thought that this day would come.  Countless tears have been shed and prayers offered.  I didn't know that I could cry anymore.  Tonight my heart is overflowing with gratitude and love for my Mom and the family that we have.  As we started the transplant process, I prayed and prayed that I would be at peace with whatever the Lord decided.  Many times during the last couple of months the doctors told us that we shouldn't take a minute for granted that we had with Mom.  There have been many ups and downs, stressful days, and sleepless nights.  This time last year we were still mourning the loss of Zack (mind you we will always love and miss him.)  Tonight we are counting the many blessings Heavenly Father has bestowed upon us.  We are also celebrating that we are officially out of ICU!  We still have a long road ahead, but with the help of the Lord and your prayers anything is possible.

Thank you for staying with us through this long journey.  We love and appreciate you.  Here is a pic of Mom celebrating her new room assignment.

Much Love,

Robyn

Did I Shave My Legs for This?

Family & Friends,

HELLO 3 month mark....well that is technically tomorrow, but since Mom is currently asleep I am going to take this opportunity to update ya'll.

The last couple of weeks we have taken a few steps forward and a few steps back.  The healing process is definitely a frustrating one.  Dad was able to be here for part of last week which was nice.  It is always nice when the nurse brings the mail to our room.  So thank you to those who have sent their sweet notes.  I'm not going to lie, I usually cry when I read them to Mom.  I think it's because I need a good cry, but there is never an opportune moment to just decompress.  Nick and Elizabeth stopped by Sunday which is a pleasant surprise.  I can't believe how much their children have grown!

Mom has had a hard time keeping her spirits up which is to be expected.  So I try to keep her spirits up by pampering her.  The last few weeks she has been begging me to shave her legs with her electric razor.  Well, we had to wait for Dad to bring it down with him, and then I had to remember to bring it with me to the hospital.  What I have learned is that the electric razor is just to complicated for me.  Between the electric razor and my NORMAL razor the leg shaving was accomplished!  I didn't like Mom's peptobismal color toes (mind you I am the one who painted them that) so today I painted them a papaya color.

Needless to say it is the little things in life that we should enjoy.  I started to cry yesterday when Mom sat up on the side of the bed.  Slowly but surely we will make it out of this place.  One way or another (queue the Blondie song).

On another note, I need your brain because my has been on the fritz.  I need to have my stuff moved out of my apartment by the end of October, and I do not have any solutions.  So my dear friends and family if you can think of any possible solution(s) I am all ears!

Thank you for all that you do!

Much love,

Robyn

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Dear Family & Friends,

If you are ever in need of a good laugh, call me!  Mom's CO2 levels were higher than normal last week so she practically slept from Thursday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.  I was able to read a couple of books and just chill which was nice for a change.

Being in the hospital for 10 weeks and most of that time being in ICU you learn to tackle everything a day at a time.  You also start fine tuning personality skills such as not yelling at the ultrasound tech when she tells your mother that this is what she signed up for.......trust me it took everything in me not to physically harm that person or when you have a nurse that doesn't want you in the room whenever she is doing anything to your mother.  We have our highs and lows everyday.

Our low today was apparently when Mom took the nurse and doctor to task prior to me arriving for the day.  The high was watching her apologize to the nurse and doctor for showing out this morning, and then making everyone laugh hysterically.  I will say that it takes a special nurse to be able to take care of my Mom, and for those nurses I am and will be forever grateful.

Other than Mom being silly there isn't much new news. (Now watch something hit the fan after I post this :) that would be my luck!)

Until next time peace, love, and chicken grease.

Much love,

Robyn

9 Weeks

Greetings All,

Today marks 9 weeks since Mom's transplant surgery. (I'm counting weeks like pregnant women do....it's kinda unnerving:)  I have been here since August 1st.  Dad was here for the month of July.  Lately we have had nurses who had my Mom back in July and they see her now and say how much better she looks!  Each week has its highs and lows.  It is easy to become frustrated at the lack of progress and then you see that another patient is flat lining, my frustrated turns to gratitude that Heavenly Father has granted us another day with Mom.

I noticed that I forgot to upload pictures to my last post of Mom having her hair washed so here are the before and after pics.

Before

After - The nurse was super sweet and made Mom a purple headband!

Today we received a letter from the Brandon Ward Relief Society.  It was a welcomed letter indeed!  Mom loved all of the sweet notes from all of the sisters in the Ward.  It made me think that ya'll do not have her address if you wanted to send a card.  So here it is:

Coleen Statum - ICU 73
c/o Oschner Hospital
1514 Jefferson Hwy
New Orleans, LA 70121

I'm enjoying all of the little moments with Mom.  Right now she is listening to the "George Strait" station on Pandora.  It's fun to see her mouth the lyrics and move her feet to the music.  Yesterday she ignored a nurse because the nurse kept saying her first name incorrectly.  I laugh seriously out loud at that one.  The nurse wasn't the most pleasant and Mom was less than thrilled with her.  The nurse came back in the room and kept calling her Colleen.  Mom kept saying "that's not my name."  The nurse looked at me because I was laughing hysterically, and I told her that her name is Colleen it's Coleen.  I guess you had to be there. :)

In other news, I have decided to relocate to New Orleans and take care of Mom.  Many of my friends back in Logan were shocked at my decision, and to be honest so was I.  At the same time there is no place I'd rather be.  I ask that you pray that I am able to find a part time job to help pay for gas, food, and whatnot.  I don't know how all of this with Mom is going to turn out all I know is that everything will work out.  It always does.

Much love,

Robyn

Decisions

Hi Family & Friends,

Yesterday Mom and I celebrated being in ICU for 8 weeks.  Today we received some daunting news.  Mom will be in the hospital for some time.  They can't really give us a definitive answer, but we are looking at least another month in the hospital before we can go to The Brent House.  We will have to stay at The Brent House for all of the follow up appointments and so they can fine tune the anti-rejection medicine.  That stay is about 4 weeks on average.

Many have asked what exactly is wrong with Mom.  So far her transplant liver is doing well.  It's her lungs, kidneys, and heart that are creating a viscous cycle hindering her recovery.  Right now, I need her lungs to gather their strength back, her kidneys to start working, and her heart to stop playing hopscotch.  We also have to wait for her last incision to close. (It has closed 4cm since I have been here, and we still have 48cm more to go.)

Right now I have quite a few decisions to make, and we all know how much I hate making them!  So, I ask that you will pray for me and my family that we will be able to make the right decisions.

On a lighter note, Mom's nurse washed her hair for the first time since she arrived!  She loved having her washed with her normal shampoo instead of the dry shampoo.  Mom is slowly but surely gaining her physical strength back, and her mind is coming around.  She still has moments of disorientation, but her mind is a lot clearer than it was a month ago.  We have our ups and downs and everyday there is a new challenge presented or a small victory celebrated.

Mom and I appreciate the calls and visits by those who have been in the area.  We love seeing friendly faces and talking with loved ones rather than discussing medical matters.  Thank you for lightening the load of this challenging journey!

Much Love,

Robyn

A Wild Week

Whew!  I can't believe that Mom and I have made it another week!  Let's start with the good news first.  Becca received a clean bill of health from the surgeon!  Mom is off the ventilator, and yesterday started eating almost regular food.  She received her voice box for her trach on Monday.  I haven't heard Mom's voice since July 14th.  Needless to say when I heard her say my name out loud, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude and love.  Gratitude and love to my Heavenly Father for listening and answering all of the prayers on her behalf as well as love and gratitude for my mother.  Mom has spent her life serving her family and all those around her.  I could not have asked for a better example of a loving mother.

Those who know me know how much I love my family.  Yes, even my brothers when they act stupid and I want to beat the hell of out them.  Still they are my brothers and I am allowed to feel that way because I am the BIG SISTER!  Yes even to my older brother :)  I tell you this because when someone picks on my siblings or my parents the mother bear tends to come out in me.  I say this because as some of you already know we had a hard night last night with an apathetic nurse.  I want to say that while there are some really horrible nurses out there, the vast majority that have helped my Mom have been wonderful.  I cannot complain.  They have treated my mother as if she were part of their family.  Unfortunately for the nurse last night she had to deal with Grant Jolley's grand-daughter and great grand-daughter.  She had no idea what she was in for when she showed up for work yesterday.  I have filed my complaint and have voiced my opinion to the powers at be.  Mom and I won the battle.

So outside of the run in we had with the night nurse Mom has had a great week!  She is ever so slowly making improvements.  I celebrate each day we make it through together.  At the end of the day it doesn't matter who likes us or who doesn't. Material possessions are irrelevant.  For me all that matters is my trust and faith in my Heavenly Father, my family, and my friends.  So as always thank you for everything.

Here is a blurry selfie of me and Mom.  Yes, Sulyn I know that I stink at taking selfies :)

Much love,

Robyn

Looking for Rainbows

When it rains it pours.....or at least that is what usually happens with my family.  This past week has been a challenging one to say the least.  Instead of lamenting on all of the chaos and stress, I want to share our successes.

Monday Mom had a chest tube put in to help drain the fluid on her lung.  She has had over 2 liters of fluid drained!  She struggled with breathing Monday night, but today she was able to be on the trach collar for 4 1/2 hours!!  I cannot tell you how HAPPY I was earlier today!

Mom has been in rare form lately so when she let me wash her face with her Mary Kay, I was in heaven.  (Mom is bathed everyday but it's with special hospital stuff.  Mind you she has been asking for a nice warm bath!)  She even allowed me to brush her hair which hasn't been brushed in awhile so it took me a bit to brush the majority of it.  Luckily for her, I have a smart phone so we listened to the George Strait station on Pandora.  I was delighted to see her mouthing the words along with the music.  (You see Mom has ICU psychosis.  Most days she doesn't even know my name.  This week has been the first time she called me Rob. So when she was mouthing the words to the music, I found hope again.  Hope and I have not been friends lately.)

I was able to be with Becca while she had her emergency appendectomy.  She handled surgery like a champ!  I was able to meet some of her friends, and I am grateful that she has good ones!  They stayed with her while she had to wait for me to drive up to Hattiesburg.  She was so doped up I should have recorded her and put that stuff up on YouTube!

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, prayers, assistance, service.....basically for everything ya'll have done to help my family during this challenging time.

Just remember that there is a rainbow after the rain.



Much Love,

Robyn

Silent Night

Dear Family & Friends,

Boy a crazy week it has been!  I feel as though I need to explain Mom's situation as there have been the same questions asked.

Mom has been in ICU for over a month.  Her transplant organ is going well and her body is so far accepting the new liver.  The problem is that other vital organs are shutting down.  There wasn't any way that the doctors could have foreseen all of the complications.  Before Mom could even be considered to move to the top of the list, she went through 3 months of rigorous internal tests to ensure that her body could withstand surgery.

Since the transplant she has had to jump over so many hurdles just to stay alive.  Everyday Becca and I stay with her from 9am-6pm and then from 8-11pm.  Every time one of the machines start beeping I am at her bedside holding her hand talking her through what is happening whether she can hear me or not.  Becca is usually the one holding my hand and comforting me. (I'm the worry wort in the family :)  Right now her kidneys and lungs need to work, and her heart needs to stop paying hopscotch (that's how I explain arterial fibrillation).  She is not out of the woods yet.  I say this because someone (non-medical staff) said that she wasn't in serious condition.  Well let me tell you moron, she is in critical but stable condition.  This is not me blowing her condition out of proportion; it is the truth. So keep your non-medical knowing opinions to yourself!

Now many have asked what can you do for us.  Well to be honest, the backyard is a disaster.  Our neighbors have been very kind and make sure that the front is cut.  The backyard looks like we are growing hay.  If someone can just call or text my Dad to cheer him up, that would be fabulous.  He is having a rough time because is FMLA time ran out and he had to go back to work last week.  He would much rather be down here sitting day in and day out next to Mom.  After 34 years of marriage, he doesn't know how to function very well without his other half and I can't blame him.

My family and I are on this emotional trying roller coaster ride.  I celebrate the small victories in order to make through each day.  I can't tell you what it means to me when I received a text or message that ya'll are praying for us or that you have put her name on the temple prayer roll.  We have felt every single prayer.  I am forever indebted to ya'll for your faith and kindness.

So for tonight not only am I enjoying the wonderful view of the Mississippi River from the room, I am also enjoying the silence in her room.  Mom takes baby steps every day and in due time those steps will start to add up and she will be able to hopefully make a full recovery.

Thank you again (I can't say it enough!) for all that you do have done and continue to do for my family.

Good night!

Robyn

Smiles

Dear Family and Friends,

I write to you tonight with my heart full.  The last couple of days have been nerve wracking and at moments down right scary.  I won't bore you with all of the minute details, but what I do want to say is thank you.  I have felt every single prayer and kind thought sent up to Heavenly Father on my Mom's behalf.  Without those thoughts and prayers there is no way that I could make it through this.

Yesterday when we arrived at the hospital we were informed that Mom's arms were restrained.  Come to find out during the night Mom started fighting like a ninja and was trying to pull her breathing tube out.  In order to cheer her up, Becca and I started singing some of the songs from her favorite musicals.  We started out with some good ole Camp songs.  She looked at us like we were crazy, so we moved on to White Christmas, then to Summer Magic, and you can't forget Hello Dolly.  Well apparently, there is a camera and a tv monitor in the room.  The eICU nurse comes on in the middle of our routine and scares the living daylights out of us.  It took us a minute to figure out where the person talking to us was because we just kept looking up.  I guess you had to have been here.

Earlier today Mom made it through surgery #4 like a champ!  When Becca and I arrived earlier today, she had just been wheeled back from the surgery.  We are kicked out every night between 6-8pm so the nurses can do everything for shift change.  In her room there is usually a curtain drawn.  Before we can enter we have to wash our hands, put on gloves, and a yellow gown. (Yes, I am sure there is a technical name for the gown, but I don't know what it is and you get the picture.)  So tonight like the nights previously I go through the usual routine of being able to enter the room.  I ask the nurse if she is awake, and for once she is, as I come around the curtain I say "Hi Gorgeous!"  What happened next made me want to cry with joy.  My Mom gave me the biggest smile.  Talk about warming my heart.  I cannot describe just how much relief I felt in that moment.

So thank you for all of the love and support ya'll have given us during this trying time.  What I can tell you is that the Lord does hear and answers are prayers, and that He is always mindful of our needs.

Goodnight family and friends!

Love ,

Robyn

Mom Update 8/3

Once Upon A Time……..

This is usually how I start off any story that I tell, but it doesn’t seem appropriate today.  As some of you may or may not know, I flew to New Orleans on Thursday to be with my mother as she recovers from her liver transplant.  This has been quite a roller coaster ride, and it doesn’t seem it is going to end any time soon.

Luckily for me my Mom has taught me how to fight; it is now my turn to remind her how to fight.  She has been in ICU for the past 3 weeks, and it looks like she is going to be here for another few weeks before she can move to the transition room (the next phase in the transplant process).  Seeing my Mom in the condition she is in breaks my heart.  I was able to see her right after I flew in on Thursday.  I asked her if she knew who I was and she shook her head yes. (Right now she is incubated but alert.)  It was hard to fight back the tears.

I know that a lot of you want updates of Mom’s status.  So what I will do is update here on a regular basis.  It’s easier than remember who all to text.  So here is your update:

Mom is currently incubated, and we are hoping to have her off the ventilator soon.  She is fighting a bacteria infection and is on dialysis.  We are taking one day at a time.  Dad has to go back to work since he no longer has any more leave time.  Becca and I are chilling at the hospital with Mom until she has to go back to school in 1 ½ weeks.  Don’t worry, I am here for the long haul.  If you would like an update prior to me posting here, call or text me at 601-955-2904.

I appreciate everyone’s love, concern, prayers, and kind thoughts sent our way!

Much Love,

Robyn