A month ago this coming Thursday I laid my baby brother to rest. So, I apologize friends that I have been anti-social and extremely quiet these last few weeks. I have never been eloquent when it comes to expressing my emotions, and I very rarely allow people into my life. This book is very much closed. I thought for this post that I would open my book for the briefest of moments and share with you some of my ever so personal feelings.
My parents raised us not to go to bed angry with each other. Whenever we leave the house or end a phone call we always tell the other person that we love each other. Yes, if I left the house and 3 of my 7 family members were home, I would tell each one of them that I was leaving and that I love them. Unfortunately, a week before Zack's death, him and I got into a horrible disagreement. I was home for my sister's graduation. The night before I flew back to Utah we had this massive disagreement over something so trivial. Due to my pride, I never made things right with my brother. A week to the day that I arrived back in Utah, I received the dreaded call that my brother had died.
I never got to say, “Zack, I'm sorry and I love you” one last time. Instead of feeling peace, I feel the weight of the World on my shoulders. It's my fault. I should have been a better big sister. I should have been more understanding and loving. I am left with a gaping hole in my heart; I've been through some tough life experiences and I have never felt as my pain as I do now.
So my friends, please learn from my mistake. Tell your family and friends how much you love them on a daily basis. Don't just go through the motions. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You only get one life so make it count. Let those around you how much they mean to you in your life. Don't be prideful and stubborn like I was. Don't let trivial things come between you and those you love. As my Daddy says, “be slow to anger, and quick to forgive.” As my Momma says “tell those you love that you love them because you never know when it will be your last time to tell them.” If only I had heeded the counsel and example of my parents. If only.
