My New Normal

Dear Family & Friends,

I find it interesting that today is New Year's Eve, and it also marks my Mom's passing just three weeks ago.  I will admit I have been quite emotional which is completely normal; I just never thought that I would hurt this much.  Mom's passing was unexpected contrary to what some are and have been saying.  All I can say, to those who think they know more about Mom's passing than me and my family, is that you have sadly been misinformed.

A friend of mine posted this on FB the other day and I found it quite fitting so I thought I would share:

"Grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning." -Elder Lance B. Wickman

My Mom loved unconditionally and taught me so much about how to be a better daughter, sister, and person.  She always said to take the high road, to turn the other cheek, and to live by the Golden Rule.

Earlier this year along with a friend of mine, I went to group grief counseling to help me with the loss of my brother Zack.  What I learned is that I will never "get over" my brother's or mother's death.  I learned is that with each day I am finding my new normal.  Life without Zack and Mom to keep me company each day.  Finding my new normal where my grief doesn't overwhelm and I can be content.  As my Mom always said, "this too shall pass."

They say that after a major death you aren't suppose to make any major life decisions for the next 6 months to a year.  So here is to finding my new normal in 2014!

Happy New Year!

Much love,

Robyn

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I can't believe that it has been five months since your surgery.  What an adventure it has been!  I hope you know how much I have enjoyed spending these last few months with you.  I'll admit I have been spoiled being able to stay with you and drive you crazy.  Man what a pair we make.

This morning was rough; I'm not going to lie.  Remember how much I love you.  You are my hero, confidant, best friend, and mother.  Don't worry all is well.  You taught me how to carry on during hard times and how to endure.  I know who to turn to in good times and in bad.  I know that you will be with me when I get married, have children, need an attitude adjustment, or whatever the case may be.  I am so grateful that our family is eternal.  I look forward to the day when I can see you again.  I'm so proud to call you my mother.

Love Always,

Robs

Lessons to be Learned

Dear Friends,

I know that it has been awhile since I last updated you about Mom's transplant journey. The last 4-6 weeks she has been battling nausea/vomiting and the doctors have been trying to figure out the root cause. We enjoyed Thanksgiving with Dad and Becca. Cody and Cassie were able to Skype us so that was nice.

Unfortunately, life has taken a turn for Mom; she is back in ICU. This time around we aren't 100% sure what is happening with her body. We are waiting for test results to come back. I will tell you that the doctors and nurses are doing everything in their power to make her well. It is disheartening to see her being incubated again, but I know that everything will work out.

With that being said, I have been trying to figure out what I am suppose to learn from this life lesson Mom is trying to teach me. My worst thought is that she is preparing me for when I have children. I tell you what I have never been so tired in my life than I have been these last four months. I go to bed late and wake up early. Showering is a challenge. I never knew the energy required to bathe!(Trust me I still bathe and no I am not depressed.) I guess my gray hair has tripled so I won't be so disappointed when children make me have more. My patience level has gone from sub-zero to zero so it's moving in the right direction.

Who knows what I am suppose to learn, but it's amusing to come up with theories as I sit at the hospital with Mom each day. It is even more amusing because this reminds me of a conversation I had with Mom a month or two before her transplant. She called to inform me that she wanted children in the house. I very quickly explained that she needed to remember that she has 5 grandchildren not more than 30 mins away and I am sure that my wonderful brother and his wife would love to drop the kids off on any day of the week. That is when she informed me that she wanted a baby in the house, and I was the one who needed to correct that. I quipped that I would run out and go get myself knocked up, but I didn't know how that would solve her problem because I live in Utah. She was horrified at my suggestion (which I knew she would be and just wanted to give her a hard time) and said that's not what she meant. She wanted me to move home, get married, and start popping out grandchildren. I told her good luck with that and if she wanted a baby so badly that she and Dad needed to hop on that and give me a younger sibling. Her response was priceless! She said, but Robyn my baby making parts have expired!!! OMG I love this woman with every fiber of my being!!!

Funny story before I close......Monday morning around 6, Mom's nurse was trying to wake her up to give her that morning's medicine. For those of you who really know me and my family know that we aren't morning people. Outside of my Dad, the rest of us prefer to sleep in and wake up closer to 9am. Mom kept telling the nurse to get out of her room, and he was like I can't Ms. Statum because I have to make sure that you take your morning medicine. After about the third time of Mom telling him to get out, she finally told him that he needed to call security so they can have him removed from her room! He then looked at me and asked has her mental status changed. I responded nope that's my Mom! Mom is a fighter so one way or another we will make it through all of this with flying colors.

I ask that you keep the doctors and nurses in your prayers that they will be able to identify what is happening and the course of action to correct it! Our thoughts and prayers are with each of you as you face your daily trials.

Much love,

Robyn