Passports and Cards

Dear Friends & Family,

I thought that we could celebrate me finally not living out of suitcases!  Since I started my journey with Mom last August, I have been living out of suitcases.  I do not understand how people who travel regularly for work can do it. 

A couple of weeks ago, I drove out to Logan and packed up everything.  My friend Kelli was a pal and road back to Mississippi to keep me entertained.  Today I finally unpacked my suitcases and started going through boxes.  Tonight not only did I finally find my MIA passport, but it was with a card.  Two years ago I didn't have the funds to fly back to Mississippi for Christmas.  So, I had Christmas with my cousins (who are wonderful and let me add myself to any major holiday at their house). 

I remember this Christmas well.  My Mom had me convinced that the only thing I was getting for Christmas was LEGOs.  Don't get me wrong I love me some LEGOs but I typically don't just go buy some for the heck of it.  Christmas came and when I opened my box from Mom there were no LEGOs in sight.  Instead she sent me Girl Scout Cookie flavor chap stick, Jolly Rancher nail polish, and a beautiful teal hooded cashmere pea coat.  I'm not going to lie, I was kinda disappointed she didn't send me LEGOs.  My Mom thought she was clever (and to be honest she usually was).  Well while I was in New Orleans with Mom, I had G (my roommate) look for my passport.  It was no where to be found.  I kinda gave up hope of finding it, until I found it tonight.

My Mom was never afraid of showing her affection for us, and we weren't afraid of showing it to her.  I remember being in high school and my younger brothers and I had no qualms stopping by to give Mom and hug and kiss on the check.  Her note in the card reminded me how much she loved me - her always wandering gypsy older daughter.  I can't tell you how many notes and cards she has written me over the years.  I just hope that she knew just how much I loved her.  I hope that my actions spoke louder than all the "I love yous" combined.  Actions really do speak louder than words.

So my friends, I don't want you crying for my grief.  I want you to take my Mom's example and apply it to your life.  If you have children, let them know how much you love them.  One of the many phrases we have at my house is "mean what you say, and say what you mean."  So don't just say the words to say it.  Mean it and then show your children how much they are loved.  To many children are starved for affection and just want to be loved unconditionally.  If you don't have children, like me, tell and show your love for those around you.  You will never forget extending kindness.

Until next time....

Much love,

Robyn

Happy Birthday Mom!

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday Mom!  I thought we were going to make it to 104, but I guess you changed your mind.  These last two months have been interesting to say the least.  So instead of lamenting that you're not here today, I've decided to share with you what I have learned since you bid adieu. 

First and foremost, I have learned that I do not want Dad to remarry, and if I have one more person approach me about it, I don't know what I will do.  (I think bringing that up when you are barely cold in the ground is highly insensitive.)  Let's look at this logistically.  I'm just happy that Dad has finally decided to make the biscuits prior to cooking eggs instead of the opposite.....can you imagine Dad training the new wife?!?  How in the world is he going to train the new wife to all of the Statum idiosyncrasies?  I'm just curious.  Thoughts?  His happiness be damned.  I just don't see it working.  Besides, I can't imagine anyone else making Dad look so good!

OH!  You think you're clever with everything you left around the house.  You know what I'm talking about......I'm not laughing. Okay, I will admit I had a tiny chuckle because you're not here and I have found the irony in finding everything that I have found thus far, and I did share with my sister.  Our thoughts to the discovery is "good luck with that Mom."

I take back all the times I laughed at you when you argued with the dog while we were on the phone.  I find myself arguing with the dog on a daily if not hourly basis.  I know that you are smiling your "I told you so" smile right about now. 

 

While I'm in the acknowledging mood, I will just tell you that you were right.....about everything......yes that, and that, and even that.......the jury is still out on that one.

I love you forever and always!  Happy Birthday Mom!!

Love Always,

Robs 

P.S. - I hope you like your flowers :)

My New Normal

Dear Family & Friends,

I find it interesting that today is New Year's Eve, and it also marks my Mom's passing just three weeks ago.  I will admit I have been quite emotional which is completely normal; I just never thought that I would hurt this much.  Mom's passing was unexpected contrary to what some are and have been saying.  All I can say, to those who think they know more about Mom's passing than me and my family, is that you have sadly been misinformed.

A friend of mine posted this on FB the other day and I found it quite fitting so I thought I would share:

"Grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning." -Elder Lance B. Wickman

My Mom loved unconditionally and taught me so much about how to be a better daughter, sister, and person.  She always said to take the high road, to turn the other cheek, and to live by the Golden Rule.

Earlier this year along with a friend of mine, I went to group grief counseling to help me with the loss of my brother Zack.  What I learned is that I will never "get over" my brother's or mother's death.  I learned is that with each day I am finding my new normal.  Life without Zack and Mom to keep me company each day.  Finding my new normal where my grief doesn't overwhelm and I can be content.  As my Mom always said, "this too shall pass."

They say that after a major death you aren't suppose to make any major life decisions for the next 6 months to a year.  So here is to finding my new normal in 2014!

Happy New Year!

Much love,

Robyn

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I can't believe that it has been five months since your surgery.  What an adventure it has been!  I hope you know how much I have enjoyed spending these last few months with you.  I'll admit I have been spoiled being able to stay with you and drive you crazy.  Man what a pair we make.

This morning was rough; I'm not going to lie.  Remember how much I love you.  You are my hero, confidant, best friend, and mother.  Don't worry all is well.  You taught me how to carry on during hard times and how to endure.  I know who to turn to in good times and in bad.  I know that you will be with me when I get married, have children, need an attitude adjustment, or whatever the case may be.  I am so grateful that our family is eternal.  I look forward to the day when I can see you again.  I'm so proud to call you my mother.

Love Always,

Robs

Lessons to be Learned

Dear Friends,

I know that it has been awhile since I last updated you about Mom's transplant journey. The last 4-6 weeks she has been battling nausea/vomiting and the doctors have been trying to figure out the root cause. We enjoyed Thanksgiving with Dad and Becca. Cody and Cassie were able to Skype us so that was nice.

Unfortunately, life has taken a turn for Mom; she is back in ICU. This time around we aren't 100% sure what is happening with her body. We are waiting for test results to come back. I will tell you that the doctors and nurses are doing everything in their power to make her well. It is disheartening to see her being incubated again, but I know that everything will work out.

With that being said, I have been trying to figure out what I am suppose to learn from this life lesson Mom is trying to teach me. My worst thought is that she is preparing me for when I have children. I tell you what I have never been so tired in my life than I have been these last four months. I go to bed late and wake up early. Showering is a challenge. I never knew the energy required to bathe!(Trust me I still bathe and no I am not depressed.) I guess my gray hair has tripled so I won't be so disappointed when children make me have more. My patience level has gone from sub-zero to zero so it's moving in the right direction.

Who knows what I am suppose to learn, but it's amusing to come up with theories as I sit at the hospital with Mom each day. It is even more amusing because this reminds me of a conversation I had with Mom a month or two before her transplant. She called to inform me that she wanted children in the house. I very quickly explained that she needed to remember that she has 5 grandchildren not more than 30 mins away and I am sure that my wonderful brother and his wife would love to drop the kids off on any day of the week. That is when she informed me that she wanted a baby in the house, and I was the one who needed to correct that. I quipped that I would run out and go get myself knocked up, but I didn't know how that would solve her problem because I live in Utah. She was horrified at my suggestion (which I knew she would be and just wanted to give her a hard time) and said that's not what she meant. She wanted me to move home, get married, and start popping out grandchildren. I told her good luck with that and if she wanted a baby so badly that she and Dad needed to hop on that and give me a younger sibling. Her response was priceless! She said, but Robyn my baby making parts have expired!!! OMG I love this woman with every fiber of my being!!!

Funny story before I close......Monday morning around 6, Mom's nurse was trying to wake her up to give her that morning's medicine. For those of you who really know me and my family know that we aren't morning people. Outside of my Dad, the rest of us prefer to sleep in and wake up closer to 9am. Mom kept telling the nurse to get out of her room, and he was like I can't Ms. Statum because I have to make sure that you take your morning medicine. After about the third time of Mom telling him to get out, she finally told him that he needed to call security so they can have him removed from her room! He then looked at me and asked has her mental status changed. I responded nope that's my Mom! Mom is a fighter so one way or another we will make it through all of this with flying colors.

I ask that you keep the doctors and nurses in your prayers that they will be able to identify what is happening and the course of action to correct it! Our thoughts and prayers are with each of you as you face your daily trials.

Much love,

Robyn

I've lost count :)

Oiy Friends & Family,

I feel I should clarify last week's post. I'm at the hospital day in and day out.....I just feel as though I need to handle all that is going on cheerfully and without complaint. The last couple of weeks have been challenging so I have been at my wits end. So I apologize for my doomsday lament.

I want to thank all those who helped my Dad with the house yesterday. Also a belated thank you to whomever had our lawn taken care of months ago. I thought it was a certain person and when I asked my Dad if he had said gracias, Dad said that the person who we thought did it did n't. To whomever you are please accept our belated gratitude. 

Yesterday I was stuck at the car shop having a new alternator installed in the car so I wasn't able to get to the hospital till late. I was thrilled when Mom told me that Pat and Betty Faye came to visit! Mom loves her owl and the sweet card from the sisters in the ward. 

Mom went back to ICU a few days ago and I am happy to report that we are back in TSU (transplant step down unit)!! Mom is a champ, and is doing her darnedest to get better because she is so ready to go home as see all of you! 

As always thank you for your continued prayers, sweet cards, and support! Here is to a more positive outlook! 

Much love,

Robyn

Come What May and Love It

Dear Family & Friends,

I apologize for not providing regular updates as of late.  Life has been challenging to say the least.  As most of you know I am quite private and over protective.  When it comes to my mother I am extremely over protective so I don't fill you in on hard issues we face together and as a family.

The last few weeks have been quite overwhelming...there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.  Just when you think that a corner has been turned another corner keeps popping up, and when life can't get any worse it does.  Tonight was my breaking point.  As I was holding Mom's with tears in my eyes, Elder Wirthlin's conference address from a few years ago came to mind Come What May.  Then, I started feeling bad that I wasn't gladly bearing the trials placed before me I stumbled upon President Monson's address from last month's General Conference.  My waterworks started flowing again.  I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of our situations in life and of our needs.  I'm so very grateful that my Mom taught me to whom I should turn to in all things.  As hard as life is at the moment, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Mom and I pray for you each night, and appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts, cards, love, and support.  We are blessed beyond measure.

Much love,

Robyn